The Suite Life of Akago & Haku
by Dragon of Venus
Summary: What happens when you take three of Naraku's incarnations, a schoolgirl from the future, an undead airhead heiress, and a speed demon of a manager, and stick 'em all in a hotel? Anything. Caution: Minor swearing and MAJOR OOCness!
1. The Ghost of Suite 613, pt 1

well... I got nothin' to say but... enjoy.

disclaimer: I own neither Inuyasha, nor The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. But I'm a huge fan of both :)

The Suite Life of Akago and Haku

Akago Hitomi as Zack Martin  
Hakudoushi (Haku) Hitomi as Cody Martin  
Kagura Hitomi as Carey Martin  
Kagome Higurashi as Maddie Fitzpatrick  
Kikyo Hitokage as London Tipton  
Koga Ookami as Mr. Moseby

episode 1: The Ghost of Suite 613

(scene: The Hitomi family suite)

Kagura enters and sees the living room floor. Or lack thereof, considering Haku and Akago's stuff all over the place.

Kagura: Guys! Come out here!

Haku comes out of his room.

Haku: Yeah?

Kagura: When I left, there was a floor in here. I'd like it back.

Haku: (groan) Fine.

Kagura goes into another room, and Haku starts picking stuff up.

Haku: Next thing you know, she'll be making me take a bath or something--

A hand suddenly comes out of the mess and grabs Haku's wrist, and he falls over as he screams.

Akago pops out laughing his head off.

Akago: Gotcha!

Haku: (after catching his breath) No. Got _you_!

He then pulls Akago down by his ankle and shoves his face into the floor, sitting on top of him.

Akago: Hey! Ow! OW! (and so on)

Kagura comes back in and sees the two.

Kagura: ...Haku, why are you cleaning the carpet with your brother's face? Although if it gets out the stain...

Haku gets up.

Haku: Mom, Akago scared me!

Akago gets up.

Akago: Hey, it's not my fault you're such an easy target!

Kagura groans and stands between the two.

Kagura: Akago, you know Haku's...

She looks at Haku, then back at Akago.

Kagura: ...sensitive.

Haku rolls his eyes.

Kagura: Why do you always do this to him?

Akago: I'm his brother. I'm just doin' my job.

Kagura: Well you're fired. Now both of you, clean this up.

Haku and Akago: (groan) Fine.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

(scene: Hitokage lobby)

Akago, Haku, Kikyo, and Kagome are standing by the candy counter. Ginta is helping a couple checking in.

Akago: Hey, guys, watch this.

He hits a button on a remote control. Ginta bends over to pick up the couple's suitcase, when a farting noise comes from his... uh, y'know. He immediately shoots back up to see the couple staring at him.

Ginta: I-it wasn't me. I swear!

He bends over again.

(poot)

Ginta stands back up.

(poot)

Koga walks over.

Koga: Ginta, you mind excusing yourself?

(poot)

Koga: Now?

Ginta: But, Mr. Ookami, it isn't--

(poot)

Ginta: me!

Koga: Yeah, keep telling yourself that. We'll discuss your--

(poot)

Koga: problem later.

Ginta walks down a small staircase, the noise returning each time he takes a step. Finally, he walks over to Akago, who's cracking up, and pulls a tape recorder out of his back pocket.

Ginta: Akago, I'm getting a little sick of your jokes.

Akago: Sorry, Ginta. I promise I'll stop.

Ginta: Thank you.

He walks away.

(poot)

Ginta glares back at Akago.

Akago: Right after that.

Ginta continues to walk away, this time uninterrupted.

Kikyo: That was pretty good, Akago.

Akago: Yeah. Almost as good as when I freaked out Haku this morning.

Haku: I was not freaking out!

Akago: Aw, c'mon. You were white as a sheet!

Kikyo: (gasp) Don't tell me you saw the ghost in suite 613!

Haku and Akago look at her, surprised.

Akago: There's a ghost in the hotel?

Kikyo nods. Kagome shakes her head. Akago goes with Kikyo's response.

Akago: Cool! I'm there!

Haku: I-I'm not.

Akago looks at him.

Akago: What's wrong? You're not scared, are you?

Haku: ...N-no. It's just... I just ate! And, you're supposed to wait half an hour after eating before exploring the supernatural.

Kagome: Haku, there is no ghost.

Kikyo: Wrong. As usual. I have seen this ghost. It was so scary, I dropped my new purse. And left it there!

Kagome raises her eyebrows, suddenly slightly interested.

Kagome: With... money in it?

Kikyo: Oh, just the 100,000 yen every kid gets for allowance--

She suddenly notices everyone else rushing to the elevator.

Kikyo: Hey! Just because I don't need it doesn't mean it's not mine!

She squeezes in at the last minute.

(a/n: that's about the Japanese equivalent of a thousand dollars. I looked it up.)

(scene change: the hall on the 13th floor)

Kikyo, Akago, Haku, and Kagome pour out of the elevator and smack into a passing cart, being steered down the hall by the old woman from ep. 85. I believe her name was Haraiya, correct me if I'm wrong.

Haraiya: Hey, watch it! I got three clock radios and a DVD player hidden in there!

Akago: Haraiya, do you know how to get to suite 613?

Haraiya: It's down the hall. But if you value your life, don't go in there.

Akago: Let's go!  
Haku grabs Akago's arm.

Haku: Let's not!

Akago flings him off, and Haku slams into Haraiya's cart again.

Haraiya: On second thought, here's the key.

She takes a key out of her pocket and gives it to Kagome.

Kikyo: Told you there was a ghost.

Haraiya nods.

Haraiya: Her name was Enju, and she was beautiful. And rich.

Kikyo: Oh, think me! Except not as pretty. And probably less money. And dead.

Haraiya slightly rolls her eyes.

Haraiya: Anyway, in 1942, she and her husband checked into the Hitokage on their honeymoon night.

Kikyo: And the next day, he went off to war. Enju waited three years for him, but he never came back.

Haraiya glares at her.

Akago: So he died in battle?

Kikyo: No, he--

Haraiya covers her mouth with a feather duster

Haraiya: He met some Italian chick and opened a pizza parlor with her in Florence.

She moves the duster, and Kikyo spits a feather out of her mouth.

Kikyo: Enju was so mad, she threw the silver hairbrush he'd given her at the mirror.

Haraiya: The mirror shattered, and a shard flew out. And that was the end of that.

She runs her index finger across her neck.

Haraiya: Well, have fun.

She leaves with the cart.

Akago: Oh, I will!

He turns around, and smacks into someone wearing a welding mask. Everyone screams as the guy stumbles a bit. When they stop, the guy lifts the mask to reveal Hakkaku.

Hakkaku: Sorry.

Akago: ...Hakkaku, why are you walking around the hotel wearing a welding mask?

Hakkaku: Gives me an air of mystery.

He flips the mask back down, and speaks in a Darth Vader voice.

Hakkaku: The force is strong with this one.

He flips it back up and smiles.

Haku: Have you ever seen the ghost?

Hakkaku: Nope. Although I have seen Haraiya in a hairnet...

He shudders, then walks toward an elevator.

Hakkaku: Well, if you'll excuse me, I have to deal with something really scary: The toilet in 620.

Everyone gasps.

Hakkaku flips his mask back down, turns around, and smacks into the wall. As he stumbles, everybody leaves.

Hakkaku: Wait up, Koga!

(scene change: outside suite 613)

Kagome sticks the key into its proper hole in the door, but nothing happens when she tries to turn the knob.

Kagome: It's stuck.

Haku: (quickly) Oh well, too bad, let's go.

Haku goes to walk away when the door creaks open.

Kikyo: It's the ghost!

She runs behind Haku.  
Haku: No!

He runs behind Kikyo.

Kikyo: No!

She runs behind Haku.

Haku: Stop!

He runs behind Kikyo.

Kikyo: Stop!

She runs behind Haku.

Kagome: _Both_ of you, stop! Obviously, I loosened the lock, and the wind opened the door!

The door opens entirely.There's a moment of silence as everyone stares in shock. Akago nods his head towards the doorway.

Akago: (quietly) C'mon.

He walks inside, the others following him.

(scene change: inside 613 (duh))

Haku: Creepy in here.

Akago sees a portrait on the wall of a young woman.

Akago: Is that her?

Kikyo: Yup. That's the ghost of suite 613.

She looks around the room, then does a double-take.

Kikyo: Check out the broken mirror.

She points to a shattered full-length mirror.

Kagome looks out the balcony window.

Kagome: Check out the gargoyle.

She points to a gargoyle on the roof a few feet away.

Haku: Check out of this room!

He goes to run away, but Akago grabs him by the shirt.

Kagome: Haku, it's just a statue used to ward off evil spirits. My grandpa uses them all the time.

Haku: Even the guy who designed this hotel knew it was haunted.

Kikyo suddenly hears some kind of unidentifiable shivering noise and taps Kagome's shoulder.

Kikyo: Do you hear that?

Kagome nods. Akago looks to his side and rolls his eyes.

Akago: That's Haku's teeth.

Haku is then seen, his teeth obviously chattering. Akago smacks his hand underneath Haku's chin, and he stops.

Kagome: Haku, just relax. There is no ghost in this hotel.

The door slams shut, everybody screams, and Haku jumps into Kagome's arms

Kagome: O O

Haku holds out the scream a little longer before realizing he jumped onto Kagome.

Kagome: Welcome back.

After a small awkward silence, he gets down.

Kagome: As I was _saying,_ there is no ghost-- (gasp) but I do see a purse!

Kikyo: Hey, that's mine!

Everyone runs to get the purse. Kagome gets there first and holds it above her head.

Kagome: Finders keepers, losers weepers!

Kikyo holds out her hand.

Kikyo: Gimme the loot, or you get the boot.

Kagome groans and hands Kikyo the purse. Kikyo looks in the purse and gasps.

Kikyo: The ghost stole my money! She is so dead.

Something starts thumping outside the door.

Akago: ...Do you guys hear something?

Kikyo: O O It's the ghost! Uh... (nervous laugh) sorry about the dead joke.

Kagome, Akago, and Haku all walk closer to the door. The thumping gets louder. Haku turns around.

Haku: Kikyo, save me!

Haku runs toward Kikyo, who's standing in shock, her hands covering her mouth. Haku then tries to jump into her arms. Only problem: He misses.

Haku: Ah!

THUD!

The door suddenly opens, and everyone screams. Akago and Kagome grab onto each other (shudder), as do Haku and Kikyo. Akago and Kagome stop screaming and holding each other though, when they see it's Koga. Haku and Kikyo don't. When they finally do, though, Koga is sticking his finger in his ear.

Koga: Well, thanks. And just so ya know, you two owe me a hearing aid!

Kikyo and Haku sweatdrop.

Koga: I could hear you screaming from the lobby, so shut up.

He begins to walk out.

Kagome: Mr. Ookami, do you believe in the ghost?

Koga: There's no such thing as ghosts.

Kagome smiles proudly at the others.

Kagome: See?

Koga: Now let's leave before she gets angry.

Kagome: O O And I'm completely alone here.

Akago: (to Koga) Can you tell us about her?

Koga: Yeah. When a pig flies outta my mouth.

Akago: (shrug) Too bad. 'Cause if you don't tell us now, we'll have to ask you again later. In the lobby. When people are _checking in..._

Koga: Alright, alright! (sigh) (muttering) Ya little (cough)...

Kikyo, Kagome, Akago, and Haku excitedly run to a table in the room and sit down to hear Koga's 'ghost story.'

Koga: Anyway, I had just started working at the Hitokage as a bellhop.

(flashback)

(scene: 13th floor hall, 10 years ago)

Koga is walking down the 13th floor hall, looking quite a bit younger.

Koga: (voice-over) It was a dark and stormy night, and my shift was ending.

The Koga in the flashback yawns and looks at the digital watch on his wrist.

flashback Koga: Aw, man, 6:09? It's gettin' darker every day!

He flips the watch around, so it says the real time. 9:06

f/b Koga: Oh.

He looks at the door of 613 as it creaks open, and decides to walk in.

(once inside 613...)

v/o Koga: I'd heard rumors about suite 613, but I never believed in ghosts. That's when I felt a sudden breeze of cold air.

Wind can be heard as Koga shivers and crosses his arms to keep himself warm.

v/o: Then I smelled pizza for some reason.

Koga sniffs the air.

Koga: Mm, pizza! Good thing, too, I'm starving!

Suddenly, a female voice booms throughout the room.

voice: I hate pizza! It reminds me of my unfaithful husband!

A silver hairbrush flies at Koga's head. He ducks, and the brush shatters a part of the mirror behind him that Kikyo pointed out earlier. Koga gets up, terrified.

Koga: Alright, keep it! I can wait till I get home!

He runs to the door, which suddenly slams itself shut. Of course, he smacks into it, and falls backwards onto his tail (which really kinda hurt).

v/o: Fortunately, my tail saved me from any, uh... _serious_ injuries.

(end flashback)

Everyone is where they were before the flashback, except for Akago...

Koga: But I did bruise my tail. I was never able to play with my cat again.

Haku, Kikyo, and Kagome stare at each other, a little weirded out.

Koga: ...What?

Akago suddenly jumps out from underneath the table, a sheet covering his body.

Akago: BOO!

Everyone screams for a moment until Akago takes off the sheet, but Haku holds it out the longest.

Akago: (laughing) Aw, MAN, was that awesome! You guys should've seen the looks on your faces-- Oh, wait. (points to Haku) I can show you _your_ face.

He does a pretty ridiculous impression of Haku's face when he was screaming. Haku glares at him.

Haku: Let's see what my hand looks like when it crushes your face!

Akago runs out of the room, Haku chasing after him furiously.

Kagome: ...That was just weird.

Koga shrugs.

Kikyo: That's them for ya.

(scene: Hitomi suite)

Akago and Haku walk into the room, Akago a little out of breath.

Akago: How can you tell me you weren't afraid?

He walks over to the sink.

Haku: Like this: I. Was not. A-fraid!

Akago: Yeah? So why were you shivering in the elevator?

He grabs a glass, turns on the sink, and gulps down a little water.

Haku: ...B-Because it hasn't been inspected in three years. Don't you read that little card?

Akago rolls his eyes.

Akago: Fine. If you're not scared, then I dare you to spend the night with me in suite 613. 500 yen (5 bucks, if you can believe that) says you run out screaming before midnight.

Haku: (gulp) I-I'll take that bet... But Mom'll never let us!

Kagura walks in.

Kagura: Heck yeah I won't. Let you what?

Akago: Spend the night in 613.

Haku: AKA, the haunted room!

Kagura: ...Well--

Haku: So that's definitely a no. Thank you.

Akago: Well what if Kikyo and Kagome were with us?

Kagura: ...I guess that would be alright.

Haku: Y'know, you don't have to give in to him! What kind of a mother are you?'!

Kagura stares at him strangely for a moment.

Kagura: Haku, you can do what you want, but there are no such things as ghosts... If there were, my father would still be haunting me... (a/n: points if you got that!)

She walks to the door and leaves.

Akago: So, Haku, you gonna spend the night playing with Mommy?

Haku: (trying to sound brave) No. I'm goin' to 613, too. And if you run out before me, I'm spending the money you just bet on me.

Akago: Deal.

They shake on it.

okay, that's it for part one! r&r pleease!


	2. The Ghost of Suite 613, pt 2

I'm baaaack...

now on with the stooorryyyy... (lol)

(scene: outside 613)

Kagome and the twins are standing outside the 'haunted room.'

Akago: ...Are we going in sometime tonight?'!

Kagome: Soon as Kikyo gets here. She has the key to the room.

Kikyo walks up to them, Ginta trailing behind carrying a huge suitcase on his back.

Kikyo: Sorry I'm late. It's Ginta's fault.

Ginta: Yeah. My hernia. My fault.

Kagome: ...Kikyo, I thought you said you were gonna pack light.

Kikyo: I did. I only brought my overnight bag.

Kagome, Akago, and Haku sweatdrop.

Ginta: (panting) Sorry if we held up anyone's night with the ghosts.

Kikyo: Oh, spare them, Ginta.

Kagome: (sigh) Whatever, do you have the key or not, Kikyo?

Kikyo: Yup.

She hands Kagome the key. Kagome takes it and unlocks the door, and everyone walks in.

(once inside...)

Haku: Y'know, this isn't so bad.

Kagome: Yeah.

Thunder crashes outside and the lights go out.

Haku: Okay. Now it is!

Footsteps are heard just outside the door. Moments later, a dark figure appears at the doorway, holding something in its hand.

Haku: The ghost!

Everyone in the room screams.

Kikyo: And it has a club!

The figure holds the object up to its mouth and bites into it.

Akago: Now it's eating the club!

The thing turns on a flashlight in its other hand, revealing itself to be Hakkaku with a sandwich.

Hakkaku: It's not a club. It's a _sub._ (walks into the room) Want some?

Everyone turns him down on his offer. Kikyo then screams.

Kagome: ...What is so scary about a sandwich?

Kikyo: (staring at Hakkaku) The guy who's eating it... I just think you're kinda creepy. No offense.

Hakkaku: None taken. Lot of women say that. Including my mother...

Akago: So what're you doing in here anyway?

Hakkaku: Fixing the lights.

He grabs a toolbox he brought in with him and walks over to the fusebox. Within seconds, the lights are back on.

Kagome: See? The ghost didn't knock out the lights, it was the storm. Right, Hakkaku?

Hakkaku: Nope, it was the ghost.

Kagome: ...Again I'm alone.

Hakkaku: And I'm gonna catch her tonight! 'Cause tonight, I got this!

He pulls a big weird-looking machine out from behind the couch.

Hakkaku: This is my new ghost-finder machine! I'm gonna find her tonight, it may be my only opportunity!

Haku: Why? Because the lightning provides the sufficient atmospheric ozone allowing your instrument to pick up any ectoplasmic manifestations?

Hakkaku: No, because my mom's out and I don't have to be home 'til ten!

He dances excitedly, then stops himself, and picks up the hose on his machine.

Hakkaku: Hmm... Just as I thought.

Akago and Haku: What?

Hakkaku: Forgot to plug it in.

He does so, then picks up the hose again. The machine starts flashing lights and making strange noises, apparently attempting to throw Hakkaku off. After about the fifth time it tries to throw him off, he sits up, having landed on his back behind the couch.

Hakkaku: Alright. We got about twenty scary abnormalities in this room. Granted, nineteen of 'em are me, but, still.

The ghost-finder blares like a police car siren and tosses itself and Hakkaku over to the painting on the wall of Enju... which then stares down at him, then goes back to its normal position.

Haku: D-Did you see that?

Kikyo: You mean the face moving and the eyes staring? No.

Haku: Me neither.

The machine turns off-- or rather, blows a circuit for some reason, resulting in Hakkaku having to walk out of a cloud of smoke.

Hakkaku: (cough) I did. And, there's a ghost in this room, and, uh, she's mad. Heh heh heh. MOMMYYYY!

He runs screaming out of the room. Kikyo then attempts to do the same, then runs back to get her suitcase... which she can't lift to pull out of the room with her. She stares at the others sadly.

Kikyo: Help.

Ginta: Yeah, that's exactly what we have to do! We need to help!

Kikyo: (smiles, relieved) Thanks. You guys each take a side, I'll supervise.

Ginta: I meant we need to help the poor ghost move onto a better place.

Kagome: Oh, like the Hikari Hotel? Where they pay overtime?

She laughs. Ginta doesn't look amused.

Ginta: This is no joking matter.

Kagome: Obviously you haven't seen my paycheck.

Ginta: ...I know how to contact the spirit world.

Akago: (skeptically) You do?

Ginta: Yeah. Everyone sit down while I get ready.

The four all sit down at the table as the lights dim down.

Haku: Don't worry, Kagome. It's gonna be alright.

Kagome: I'm not worried.

Haku: ...Good, that makes one of us.

Ginta sits down at the table with a scarf tied around his head. Akago tries to restrain himself from laughing.

Ginta: Everyone ready to call the spirit?

The others nod as Ginta takes out a lighter to light a candle on the table. Everyone stares in shock as the candle lights itself.

Ginta: ...Apparently the spirit's calling us.

Haku: Tell her we're not home.

Ginta: Quiet. Now everyone join hands.

Kagome, Kikyo, Haku, and Akago clap their hands together.

Ginta: I meant with each other.

others: Oh.

They do so.

Ginta: Now, be very still, but relaxed. . . . Ghoooossttiiieeee... If I can call you that... (Kagome shoots him a strange look.) Speeak to uuusss.

Kagome: Yoouuu aaarreee...

Ginta: Kagome's channeling the spirit!

Kagome: Dooopes! (laughs) You guys are so gullible!

Ginta glares at her.

Ginta: Non-believers will be punished.

Kagome: Ooh, I'm so scared.

Her chair suddenly jerks back, then into its place closer to the table.

Kagome: I'm so scared!

Haku: Sure, _now_ you are.

Ginta: Spirit, hear me. I am calling you...

He suddenly starts humming 'Change The World.'

Kikyo: What's going on?

Ginta: I'm on hold.

He resumes humming. After a moment, lightning strikes outside, the doors to the balcony start blowing around, and Ginta starts shaking. The others immediately start freaking out. Suddenly, everything stops, and the table rises a few inches off the floor.

Haku: Okay, either the table is getting higher, or the chairs are getting lower.

Ginta: (no longer shaking, in a kinda eerie voice) She's heeeere.

The table drops to the floor.

Ginta: Um, h-hi, Miss Ghost, nice of you to--

He starts shaking again, then suddenly stops.

Ginta: (in a woman's voice) _Who dares to call me in the afterlife?_

Haku: (whispering, to Akago) It's for you.

Akago: (gulp)...A-Are you the ghost of Enju?

Ginta: _Yeess! My spirit has been doomed to remain here in agony for AAAALLL eternity._

Kikyo: Whatever. Listen, can I just get my money ba--

Ginta: _You will be silent!_

Kikyo: Right. Sorry.

Kagome: What is your problem, lady? Why are you trying to freak everyone out?

Ginta: _I was betrayed. So I'm angry._

At that moment, a brush flies out at them and hits the mirror.

Kikyo: Hey, does anyone else smell... (sniff, sniff)... pizza?

Ginta: _AAAGGHH! Don't ever say that word!_

Kagome: Yeah? Well I love pizza. What are ya gonna do about it?

Ginta grins evily as Kagome's chair pulls backward. She screams as she disappears into the darkness behind her.

Akago: Kagome, no!

Ginta: _Anyone else have something to say?_

Haku: N-Not me. I hate pizza!

He covers his mouth, realizing he said the dreaded word. Suddenly, a small blanket comes out of his pocket and floats in the air above him.

Haku: Hey, that's mine! Give it back!

He jumps up and runs after it as it disappears into the wall, him along with it.

Akago: H-Haku? Buddy? Aw, man. Mom isn't gonna like this.

Kikyo suddenly stands up.

Kikyo: Um, listen, Enju, I really hate to be a witch, but, about my hundred thousand...

Enju laughs as Kikyo slips back into the darkness.

Kikyo: (as she's disappearing) I'll take a cheeeeeeck!

Akago starts shaking Ginta's shoulder.

Akago: Ginta, hang up on her!

Ginta: _Ginta is gone. Say sayonara._

She laughs again. Then, in a flash of lightning, Ginta disappears.

Akago: Ginta! Oh, man, I gotta get outta here!

He jumps up and looks for a way out, but the door has somehow locked itself. He runs to the balcony, but the doors are slamming open and shut. Deciding not to risk it, Akago goes somewhere else: the portrait of Enju. As he starts panting, he looks up at it. And to his horror, it looks back.

Enju: They're coming for you.

Akago reaches his hand out at her. She does the same, grabs his nose, pulls her hand away, and holds up her thumb in her fist to him.

Enju: Got your nose!

Not caring that this was a joke, Akago runs away and stops at a closet. The doors swing open to reveal a skeleton dancing inside.

skeleton: Did you order room service? I've got your ribs!

As it laughs, its head falls off. Of course, Akago freaks out and runs to the now open door.

skeleton: Hey, what's the matter? Ya don't have to lose your head!

Akago takes one step outside, and a giant (fake) spider falls on his head. He screams, flings it off, and runs back inside... only to be greeted by four ghosts that slowly start approaching him. One then puts its hand on his shoulder and he freaks out again. Suddenly, the ghosts take off their disguises, revealing themselves to actually be Kikyo, Kagome, Haku, and Ginta, laughing hysterically.

Akago: . . .

Haku: Gotcha. That'll be 500 yen, please.

Akago: B-But- But--

Haku: Special effects courtesy of Hakkaku Sakashita.

Hakkaku walks up to the five, a control panel hanging around his neck, and the dancing skeleton's arm around his shoulder. He takes a bow, and the others -minus Akago- applaud him.

Hakkaku: (to the skeleton) Seriously, we should get some pizza later.

Akago: How... How did you...?

Hakkaku: Well, lemme show ya. Table...

He flips a switch, causing the table to float again. He flips it again, and the table drops.

Hakkaku: side doors...

He pushes a button, and the balcony doors swing again.

Hakkaku: front door...

He flips another switch, and the front door opens.

Hakkaku: and the not-so-itsy-bitsy spider.

He pushes another button as Spidey falls from the ceiling outside. He slinks back up, and the door shuts. The lights then turn on, and Kagome walks over to the table with a box in her hands.

Kagome: Pizza, anyone?

She opens the box, and everyone digs in.

Akago: Guys, that wasn't funny!

Kagome: Well sorry, Akago, but you've played so many practical jokes on us, we only thought it was right to show you how it felt.

Ginta: Yeah. You really shouldn't have made me the butt of those farting jokes. Most of 'em weren't even really me!

Kagome gives Ginta a look and takes a step away from him.

Hakkaku: Or put itching powder in my favorite shirt.

He scratches his neck.

Kikyo: Or sent me that fake love letter from Kappei Yamaguchi. He took out a restraining order on me!

Akago: I never sent you any letter.

Kikyo is silent in shock.

Kagome: (laughing) Okay, that was me!

Kikyo rolls her eyes.

Akago: Well, the joke's really on you guys 'cause... I wasn't scared.

Haku: Oh please! You shoulda seen the look on your face. Oh, wait. I can _show_ you the look on your face.

He puts on a scared face and lets out a wimpy scream. Akago glares at him before chasing him out of the room and down the hall, where Koga and Kagura are headed for 613.

Kagura: Mr. Ookami, I was in the middle of a third encore, what is going on?'!

Haku: Mom, stop him!

Haku starts running circles around Kagura (literally) as Akago chases after him.

Kagura: Akago. Akago! (grabs his arm) AKAGO!

Akago stops running. Haku stands behind Kagura.

Kagura: What did you do?

Akago: I didn't do anything, Haku scared me!

Kagura: (surprised) He did? I mean, (turns to Haku, 'angrily') you did?

The twins start fighting. As Kagura attempts to break them up, a young woman (who can be recognized as Kagome's friend Ayumi) walks up to Koga.

Ayumi: Thank you for coming up here, Mr. Ookami.

Koga: I'm guessing these two are the noise you were talking about?

Akago: He played a really mean trick on me, Mommy.

He hugs Kagura. Impressed, Kagura mouths the word 'Nice!' to Haku. Akago takes himself off of her, and she gives Haku a disappointed look.

Kagura: Haku, apologize to your brother. Shame on you.

Haku: Sorry, Akago... You're such a wuss! I can't believe you were afraid of some stupid ghost!

Ayumi: There's a ghost in this hotel?'!

Koga: No! Of course not! (turns to the twins) (through his teeth) Tell the nice lady you were kidding.

Haku: Yeah.

Akago: Sorry.

Ayumi: Oh, that's too bad. I know a lot of people who would pay extra to stay in a haunted room.

Koga: Oh, they meant not in the lobby! The room down there is _lousy_ with ghosts!... The rest of the hotel is haunted by these two.

He points to Akago and Haku.

both: BOO!

Ayumi jumps slightly. Haku holds out his hand.

Haku: That'll be 100 yen.

Akago gives him a strange look. Kagura huffs. Koga puts a hand to his forehead.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

(scene: suite 613)

Akago and Haku walk in.

Akago: Haku, you're sure you left Blankie in here?

Haku: Listen, I don't kid when it comes to Blankie.

They start looking around for Haku's blanket. All of a sudden, Enju walks up to them with the small blanket in her had.

Enju: Excuse me. Is this yours?

Haku takes his blanket from her hands.

Haku: Yeah, thanks.

Enju: No problem.

Akago and Haku then look at each other, thinking the same thing: 'She looks familiar.' A moment after this thought crosses their minds, they see Enju disappear into her painting on the wall.

both: ...AAAAHHHHHHH!

They run out of the room screaming. For some reason, Haku just stands in the doorway screaming his head off, before Akago grabs him by the head and drags him off.

THE END

so, what'd ya think? let me know, okay?


	3. It's A Mad, Mad, Mad Hotel, pt 1

happy anniversary, happy anniversary, happy anniversary, haaaaaaaaaaaappy anniversary! to me!

it's my second year as an authoress, yay! I would like to thank all the little pe-- I mean fans, for standing by me up to this point (and please continue to do so) :)

well, with that being said, HAPPY HALLOWEEN! and on with the story!

episode 2: It's A Mad, Mad, Mad Hotel

(scene: hall on the 23rd floor)

Ginta, Haku, and Akago are in the hallway playing catch. Or rather Monkey in the Middle, Ginta being the monkey. Haku is currently in possession of the football they're using.

Ginta: C'mon, gimme the ball!

Akago: Haku, I'm open!

Haku throws the ball to Akago. However, it goes right over Akago's head and smacks into a painting on the wall, knocking it to the floor.

Akago, Haku, Ginta: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

The three run to the picture. Akago and Haku go to pick it up, but the frame breaks in half and the painting falls out.

Haku: Oh no! It's broken!

Akago: My half isn't broken!

Haku sweatdrops.

Ginta looks around the corner, then turns back to the twins frantically.

Ginta: Ookami's coming!

Akago and Haku: O O

Koga suddenly turns around the corner of the hall, walking past Ginta, Haku, and Akago pretending to be the picture.

(after Koga leaves) Akago: Think he noticed?

Koga: (voice) He noticed!

Haku: I-it wasn't us! We were... we- we were...

He looks around himself.

Haku: ...framed!

XXXXXXXXXXX

(scene: Hitokage main lobby)

Koga is speaking to the twins, each holding a half of the frame

Koga: This painting has been hanging in the Hitokage for almost 100 years.

Akago: Cool, now you can get a new one!

Koga: No. Old is good.

Haku: And that's what makes you great!

Koga glares at them.

Ginta: I'm really sorry, Mr. Ookami. Y'know where I'm from, they used to tie people's arms and legs to four goats and send 'em off in different directions as punishment for something. It's also what they did for people with bad backs!

Koga: Which is what you're gonna have after working a double shift.

Ginta: ...I better find some goats, huh?

Koga nods as Ginta walks away.

Koga: (to the twins) How are you gonna pay for this?

Haku: Do you take game tokens?

Hakkaku jumps down a small flight of stairs heroically.

Hakkaku: Keep your tokens in your pants, boys!

Akago and Haku: Hakkaku!

Akago: Don't worry, Mr. Ookami, Hakkaku can fix the frame!

Haku: Hakkaku can fix anything!

Hakkaku: Eh, except a bowl of ramen. I can never get the water to boil quite right.

Koga: ...I'll ask someone to help ya with that.

Hakkaku: But I _can_ fix this frame! Especially with my new super-strength glue! I call it...

He pulls a bottle of glue out of his tool belt.

Hakkaku: ...Super-Strength Glue.

Koga: Catchy. Good luck.

He walks away.

Hakkaku: Okay, time to get to work. You guys each hold a piece, (the twins do so) and I'll just put some here (glues one side), a little here, (glues the other), stick 'em together, and... voila!

The frame starts smoking.

Akago: SMOKE!

Hakkaku: Nah, it's a nasty habit.

Haku: No, the frame is smoking!

Hakkaku: Tsch. That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever-- (looks at frame) AAAH! AAH! Uh, (grabs the twins) duck and cover!

He throws them behind a couch, jumping over with them shortly after.

BOOM!

After a moment, Akago, Haku, and Hakkaku's heads pop up behind the couch.

Hakkaku: Aw, man. Works perfectly 'til I try to stick it to something!

Akago: ...Which is kinda the point of glue.

Everyone stands up.

Hakkaku: Ah well. I'd go back to the drawing board, but uh, it- it blew up, too.

Then, you guessed it, he walks away.

Haku and Akago then look at the back of the painting.

Akago: Hey, what's that?

Haku takes something off.

Haku: It's a news article from 1938. 'Hidden in the Hitokage. Gangster's gal tells all.'

Akago grabs the article from him.

Akago: 'Big time mobster Kano "Hot Peppers" Fukumura was caught just yesterday at the Hitokage Hotel... As they pulled him away, he swore he'd come back for his treasure.'

Akago and Haku look at each other, shocked.

Haku: So there's money hidden somewhere in this hotel?'!

Akago: It could be millions!... Hmm. Millions... (begins to daydream)

(scene: "Akago's Suite")

Akago is playing video games in his suite.

Akago: Oh, yeah! I own you! And I'm not givin' ya back! Hah!

Kagome then walks in with an apron on and a sheet covering a plate full of food.

Kagome: Akago, honey. Dinner's ready.

Akago: What'd ya make?

Kagome: (removes sheet) Popcorn and candy.

Akago: Dessert?

Kagome: Candy and popcorn.

Akago: Thanks, sweetie!

Kagome: (gasp) Look out!

Kagome throws off her apron and pushes Akago out of the way as she somewhat heroically finishes a video game for him.

game: New high score!

Kagome: Yes!

Akago: A genius in the kitchen, and a tiger in the gameroom! Baby, you're the greatest!

He then kisses her on the cheek. Kagome smiles, but a sweatdrop can briefly be seen on the back of her head.

(end daydream)

Akago is using Haku as Kagome.

Haku: Dude, why are you kissing me?

He pushes Akago off of him.

Akago: Sorry! Daydreaming.

Haku: I gotta ask Mom for my own room.

Akago: Hey, if you find this treasure, you can buy your own house!

Haku: That's not what I'd spend the money on... (daydream)

(scene: an awards ceremony, where an audience is applauding Haku with two girls standing behind him)

Haku: Thank you, thank you. I had always expected to win the Nobel Prize in physics, chemistry, biology, mathematics, and ruling the world. (awkward silence) ...Uh... But to win one in baking, well, that just takes the cake! (applause) I'd like to thank Hot Peppers Fukumura for funding my research. And my associate, Dr. Kaya.

(a/n: nobody in particular, just made up a name)

Haku goes to kiss Kaya.

(end daydream)

Haku, of course, is using Akago as Kaya.

Akago: Dude, not on the lips!

Haku: AH!

He once again pushes Akago off of him, who then falls to the floor. Akago shoots back up as Kagome walks over.

Akago: Can we just focus on finding the money?

Kagome: What money?

Haku: N-None of your business. And there's nothing you can say or do to make us tell!

After a brief silence, Kagome looks at Akago flirtatiously.

Kagome: Akago-chan...

Akago: There's a treasure in the hotel.

Kagome smiles proudly. Haku glares at Akago.

Haku: Sucker.

Akago: So I'm in love. Sue me.

Haku rolls his eyes. Akago holds up the article to Kagome.

Akago: Read all about it.

Kagome looks at a picture in the article.

Kagome: Wait a minute... Omigod. That's a picture of Haraiya!

Akago: How can you tell?

Kagome: Look at her. She's sitting down with her feet up.

The three look at Haraiya in the picture, sitting down with her feet up, then to the real Haraiya, sitting down with her feet up.

Kagome: If anyone knows something about the treasure, it's Haraiya.

Akago: Cool! Thanks, Kagome.

Akago and Haku begin to walk away.

Kagome: Thanks nothing! If there really is a treasure, I want in on it. Without me, you wouldn't have known to ask Haraiya.

Akago and Haku look at each other.

Haku: ...Conference.

He walks a few feet away with Akago.

Akago: (whispering a bit loudly) She has a point. Maybe we should cut her in.

Haku: I don't know. She's already fifteen and she only works at the candy counter. If she was smart, she would've made something of her life by now.

Kagome, meanwhile, is standing not too far away from them.

Kagome: Y'know, I'm still standing right here.

Akago: ...Uh... forget it. You're in.

Kagome: Great!

Akago, Kagome, and Haku walk over to the chair Haraiya's sitting in.

Kagome: Haraiya, can we ask you something?

Haraiya: Does it involve moving?

Kagome: Uh... no.

Haraiya: Shoot.

Akago: What do you know about Hot Peppers Fukumura?

Haraiya: (sigh) Oh, does that name bring back memories. I had just started working at the Hitokage. Peppers may have been a thief, but I stole his heart.

(flashback)

(scene: Hitokage lobby, 1938)

Haraiya, who looks strangely like Kagome, is sitting in the exact same position she was just in. Three guys then walk into the hotel. The two on the sides seem to be the center one's gang, and they also appear to be Haku and Akago. The one in the center is none other than Hot Peppers Fukumura, although he bares a striking resemblance to Ginta. The three approach a table on their way inside. Peppers snaps his fingers, and Haku and Akago move the table out of the way. Peppers keeps walking until he approaches Haraiya.

Peppers: Hey, Haraiya. I'm crazy for ya, Toots.

Haraiya: Get in line, pal.

Peppers: Let's go on the lam together.

Haraiya: Does it involve moving?

Peppers: I'll carry ya, babe.

Peppers takes off his hat and hands it to Haku. Haku hands it to Akago. Akago throws it somewhere, and it lands in the hands of a woman who looks a lot like Kagura.

Kagura: (with a kind of Brooklyn accent) Yo, Peppers.

She walks over and puts the hat back on his head.

Kagura: Is it hot in here or is it just you?

She giggles and leans on his shoulder. Peppers moves, and Kagura stumbles.

Peppers: (snap)

Akago and Haku each grab Kagura by the arms and drag her away.

Akago: Get'cha mitts off the boss, Miya!

Kagura: It's _Maiya!_

The guys drop her by the front doors.

Kagura: Oof!

(anyway...)

Peppers: (still to Haraiya, in case you forgot) Come away with me, doll.

A detective and a young woman --who look exactly like Koga and Kikyo-- suddenly walk in.

Koga: (also with a Brooklyn-type accent) She's not gonna wanna go where you're goin', Peppers!

Everyone suddenly looks up at the two.

Kikyo points accusingly at Peppers.

Kikyo: Detective, that's the man that stole my money! Now I'm down to my last billion!

Koga: You're gonna fry, Peppers! (regular voice, to Kagome) Which reminds me, you wanna get lunch after this?

Kagome: Pass.

Koga shrugs, and gets back to business.

Akago: We'll save ya, boss!

He and Haku run over to Koga to try and stop him from arresting Peppers.

Koga: Nice try, fellas.

Koga puts a hand on each twin's head, stopping them from coming any closer to him. Akago and Haku, however, are still flailing their arms as if they're really beating him up.

Peppers leans down next to Haraiya.

Peppers: Write to me, baby.

Haraiya: Yeah. If I can find a stamp.

Koga yawns.

Haku: (to Akago) I think we're wearin' him down, buddy!

Koga: (sarcastically) Yeah, I'm exhausted.

He pushes them down and grabs Peppers by the arms. And as they pull him away...

Peppers: I'm comin' back! I'm comin' back for my treasure!

(end flashback)

Kagome: (to Haraiya) So did you ever look for the treasure?

Haraiya: Are you kidding? I spent the entire 1940s looking!

Haku: Maybe we should give it a try.

Haraiya: Hey, be my guest. But if you do find the treasure, you have to gimme my fair cut.

Haku: (sigh) Conference.

Kagome and the twins walk aside a few steps.

Akago: Do we really have to cut her in?

Kagome: Well, she is the only person who was actually there.

Haku: Kagome's right. And we could always short her if we do find the money. She's too lazy to count it.

The others nod.

Haraiya: Y'know I'm still sitting right here.

Kagome, Haku, and Akago look at Haraiya.

Haku: Forget I said anything. You're in.

Kagome: So do you remember anything that might help us?

Haraiya: Well, I once went to visit Peppers in jail to ask him where the treasure was, and he said, 'The treasure lies beneath the heart.'

Kagome: What could that mean?

Ginta walks through the lobby, and Koga walks up to him with a bottle of champagne.

Koga: Ginta, I need you to bring this up to the Honeymoon Suite. There's a new couple checking in.

Ginta takes the bottle.

Ginta: You got it, sir. (as he walks away) I love the Honeymoon Suite! Everything's shaped like a heart. Heart-shaped pillows, heart-shaped bed, heart-shaped soap. Love the hearts!

Around 'heart-shaped pillows,' Kagome, Akago, and Haku's heads shot up in surprise. By the time Ginta is halfway to the Honeymoon Suite, the three run for the elevators.

Haraiya: Well, I'm stumped.

(scene change: 23rd floor)

Ginta is standing in front of the Honeymoon Suite with a key when the three run up to him.

Kagome: Ginta, we need you to get us in there!

Ginta: Uh, sorry, guys, I can't. It'd be against the rules. (suspiciously) Why?

Haku: (groan) Conference.

Kagome and the twins walk aside and huddle.

Kagome: He's the only one that can get us in here, we may have to give him a cut of the treasure.

Akago: (whiny) Why?

Ginta: Because I can hear everything you're saying...?

Haku: (sigh) Alright, you're in.

Ginta: Cool! Okay, guys, stay low.

He kneels down a little bit, and the others follow his lead.

(scene change: Honeymoon Suite)

The door opens, Ginta turns on the light, and the four creep inside.

Haku: Okay, remember: The treasure lies beneath the heart.

Kagome: Yeah, but where do we start?

Everyone suddenly freezes, realizing where they're standing: Right in front of the heart-shaped bed. Then... they practically start pummeling it to death, looking for something that could be the treasure. Of course, it's just then that the newlyweds walk in. And for some reason, they look a lot like Miroku and Sango... Oh well.

So anyway, the couple look at the four strangely, almost afraid to ask.

Miroku: Uh... excuse me?

Ginta, Kagome, and the twins suddenly look up and see the two, Kagome sticking her head out from underneath the sheets of the bed. She smiles nervously.

Kagome: Uh... congratulations to the happy couple!

Miroku and Sango: ...

Ginta: We, uh... turned down the bed for you.

Akago: And most of the room.

After a short awkward silence, they leave. Ginta runs back in, hands Sango the champagne, and leaves again.

(scene change: just outside an elevator)

Haku: Well, Hot Peppers' money wasn't under any of those hearts.

It's just then that Kikyo walks out of the elevator.

Kikyo: Hot Peppers Fukumura? That demon mobster stole money from my great-grandmother! I want it back!

Haku rolls his eyes, getting annoyed.

Haku: Conference.

He, Ginta, Kagome, and Akago walk aside.

Haku: We need to let her in, or she won't leave us alone.

Akago: No way! She's already too rich as it is!

Kagome: She's spoiled rotten!

Ginta: And for Christmas she got me a cheap keyring!

Kikyo: ...Ya know, I can hear you guys.

The other four sweatdrop.

Akago: This conference thing: Not workin' out!

Haku gives him a 'don't get me started' kind of face.

Kikyo: And I do know every inch of this hotel.

Kagome, Akago, Haku, and Ginta look at each other.

Haku: ...Okay, you're in!

Kikyo: Yay! (a/n: yeah, beyond ooc) We're gonna make such a good team!

They all walk into the elevator, some happier than others.

(scene change: lobby)

Everyone walks out of the elevator shouting at each other.

Haku: OKAY, OKAY!

The other four stare at him.

Haku: Peppers said the treasure lies beneath the heart. So maybe by heart, he meant the center of the hotel.

Kagome: Well, Kikyo, where do you think the center of the hotel is?

Kikyo: (as if it's obvious) Anywhere I am!

Kagome sweatdrops and thinks sarcastically, 'Yeah, some help she is.'

Haku pulls a calculator out of his pocket.

Haku: According to my calculations, it's... somewhere in the garbage room!

Haraiya then walks up to the group.

Haraiya: Find anything?

Akago and Haku: Not yet.

Haraiya: Losers.

She begins to walk away, then turns back.

Haraiya: Oh, now that I think about it, I just remembered something!

Kagome, Haku, Akago: What?

Haraiya: I once gave directions to Ryoga Hibiki. (sigh) What a man!

She walks away, leaving the other five kinda... disturbed.

Haku: It's gotta be something obvious and we're just missing it.

Ginta: I got it! Beneath the heart is the stomach, and the stomach of the hotel is the kitchen!

Kikyo: (gasp) Brilliant!

She grabs him by the arm and takes a few steps away from the others.

Kikyo: You keep this up and I'll trade your keyring in for a sports car, mister!

Ginta: ...But then I'll need the keyring.

Kagome: (smiling) You guys are gonna make a great team. Too bad you're looking in the wrong place.

Kikyo and Ginta look at her.

Kagome: Obviously, the heart of the hotel is referring to the Valentine's room, and below that is the lounge.

Akago walks over and leans an arm on Kagome's shoulder. She's a little too proud of herself to be freaked out, though.

Akago: Y'know, I like the way you think, sweet thang.

Haku: You like anything she does, desperate thang.

Akago: (ignoring Haku) Well I'm looking with the candy girl.

Kikyo: And I'm going with bellboy here.

Haku: Wait a minute... then who's gonna go with me?

Akago: No one, calculator boy.

Haku sweatdrops.

Kagome: Okay, so we'll each look for the treasure and meet back here in an hour.

Kikyo: And whoever finds it gets the biggest cut.

Haku: B-But what about sharing? What about honor, what about integrity?

Akago: What about finders keepers, losers weepers?

Akago and Kagome then run toward the kitchen. Kikyo and Ginta head for the lounge. Haku heads... somewhere that's not the garbage room. After about two seconds, they each head in their correct directions, Ginta having to jump over Akago to do so.

and... end part one. now if you'll excuse me, I have some Whose Line to watch...

R&R!


	4. It's A Mad, Mad, Mad Hotel, pt 2

(scene: the lounge)

Kagome is standing under an air vent next to a broom. Akago's legs can be seen sticking out of said vent. Kagome then grabs the broom and impatiently taps on the wall next to the vent.

Kagome: Akago, you find anything?

Akago: Nah. Just a big ball of lint.

Kagome sighs.

Akago: AND A SPIDER THE SIZE OF A CAT DEMON!

Kagome: O O

Various banging/smacking noises suddenly emit from the vent, and Kagome makes random pained faces to go along with them. Then they stop.

Akago: It's okay! I got it.

Kagome: Well, keep looking! (to herself) I want that money...

(Kagome's daydream)

(scene: the lobby)

Kagome is standing in the lobby, appearing to be someone extremely important. A few guys are standing behind her, one of them seeming to look like Inuyasha... Anyway, Akago walks up to her and her 'entourage.'

Akago: Good news, Lady Kagome. Your campaigns have successfully saved the rainforests, endangered animals and demons, the ozone layer, and most importantly, the people with bad haircuts.

Kagome: (sigh) It was a good week. And to think, I never could've done it without Hot Peppers' money. And you, Akago!

She smiles at him. Akago smiles back, expecting a kiss. Kagome then grabs Inuyasha, about to kiss him (go for it, girl!).

Akago: HEY!

Kagome: Sorry, bud. This is my fantasy.

She turns back and kisses Inuyasha (YAY!).

(end daydream)

Kagome is using the broom from before as Inuyasha (a/n: have you noticed how many of these daydreams end with a kiss?... freaky.)

Akago: Alright, I'm comin' down!

He drops down, expecting Kagome to catch him. Obviously, she doesn't, and Akago falls flat on his back to the floor.

Akago: AAAH!

THUD!

Kagome turns around, surprised. Akago lifts his head and glares at her.

Akago: ...Oh sure. Why bother to catch me when you can make out with a broom?

Kagome looks at the broom in her hands, then throws it back against the wall.

(scene: garbage room)

Haku is looking under a dumpster with a flashlight.

Haku: A-ha!

Hakkaku sticks his head out of the dumpster.

Hakkaku: A-ha what?

Haku: AH!

Hakkaku: AHH!

Haku: ...What are you doing in there?

Hakkaku: Lost my pen.

He then attempts to come out of the dumpster.

Haku: D'you need any help?

Hakkaku: Help? Nah, I've done this a thousand times!

He begins to fall out of the dumpster.

Hakkaku: Okay, HELP!

THUD!

Haku: ...I can tell.

Hakkaku stands up.

Hakkaku: So you're looking for Hot Peppers' money, huh?

Haku: How'd you know?

Hakkaku: I heard your brother in the vent. Oh, and by the way, he killed my pet spider.

Haku: ...I'm sorry...?

Hakkaku: Sorry doesn't buy spider love! (sniff)

Haku: Yyyeah, okay! Is there any chance you can help me move this thing?

Hakkaku: (stops crying) Yeah, sure... What's in this for me?

Haku: The pride of helping a small freaky-looking boy with a dream?

Hakkaku: ...Alright. Step back... And hold this.

He hands Haku a banana he was eating (sorry, no slipping here). Hakkaku stretches, making some disturbing cracking noises as he does. After a moment, he easily pushes the dumpster away.

Haku: Whoa...

Hakkaku flexes a muscle proudly.

Hakkaku: Bran.

He takes back his banana, pulls a _really_ long screwdriver out of his back pocket, walks over to a hole in the floor that was covered by the dumpster --Haku following closely behind-- and pokes the scredriver into it. He pumps it up and down a few times like a plunger, until a rustling noise can be heard above them. Haku looks up curiously.

Haku: Is that the bran, too?

Hakkaku: I really hope not.

About a second later, a pile of food spills down onto them. Apparently, they're standing right underneath a garbage disposal.

Hakkaku: So that's why they put the dumpster there.

(scene: kitchen)

Ginta is struggling to push a refrigerator away from the wall. Kikyo is just sitting on a table watching him, eatin' some grapes.

Kikyo: Y'know, this whole treasure hunt thing really isn't so bad. It's actually kinda fun!

Ginta glares up at her.

Ginta: Oodles.

Kikyo: (happily) I know, right? Keep looking.

She stares off into space.

Kikyo: I wonder what my life would be like if _I_ found the money...

She begins to daydream, then abruptly stops.

Kikyo: Oh, wait. It'd be the same! Yay!

She claps excitedly. Ginta walks over with a hand on his back.

Ginta: Mind if I make a little suggestion? Stop clapping, and start helping.

Kikyo: (tapping her head) Yeah, I'm really more of an idea person.

Ginta: Ohh. Well then here's an idea... _Get busy!_

Kikyo: Uh, hello? I'm _busy_ owning the hotel!

Ginta: Not after I find that money...

(Ginta's daydream)

(scene: lobby)

Ginta is standing behind the front desk, helping a man check in.

Ginta: Enjoy your stay at Hotel Ginta.

The man walks away. Ginta rings the bell on the desk, to which Kikyo walks up to him in a bellhop uniform.

Ginta: Kikyo, please help Mr. Kubo check into suite 1225.

Kikyo: Yes sir!

She grabs up two _huge_ suitcases and trudges toward the elevators.

Ginta: Oh, and, take the stairs.

Kikyo turns around and smiles.

Kikyo: It would be my pleasure, sir!

She trudges toward the staircase. Ginta gazes off somewhere and smiles.

Ginta: (sigh) It's good to be the boss.

(end daydream. sorry, no matter how OOC these guys might get, I can't picture Ginta and Kagura salsa dancing...)

Ginta is staring off into space smiling. Kikyo walks up to him and waves a hand in front of his face.

Kikyo: Uh, Ginta? You in there?...

Ginta: Huh- what? Oh, sorry. Just thinkin'.

He smiles, slightly embarrassed.

Koga's voice: Ginta? You in there?

Ginta: O O Just leavin'! I'm not supposed to be in here!

He looks around frantically for a hiding place.

Ginta: The dumbwaiter!

Kikyo: Okay, I'm sorry, but I don't like to make fun of the help.

Ginta sweatdrops, grabs Kikyo by the wrist, afraid he might rat her out, and pulls her into the dumbwaiter with him.

Kikyo: Are you sure this thing will hold us?

Ginta: Absolutely. We're perfectly safe in here.

SNAP!

The dumbwaiter breaks and goes shooting down. Ginta and Kikyo's screams of terror fade out as they fall. Koga walks into the kitchen, looks around suspiciously, and, seeing nothing, leaves.

(scene: garbage room)

Hakkaku: Found it!

He picks something up excitedly.

Haku: The loot?

Hakkaku: No, my pen!

Haku: ...

Hakkaku scribbles on his hand.

Hakkaku: Hey, it still writes! (sniffs his hand) No that's Italian dressing.

Ginta and Kikyo can be heard screaming. Haku and Hakkaku (try sayin' that three times fast) dart out of the way as Ginta and Kikyo come shooting out of the dumbwaiter into the pile of trash. Hakkaku begins writing on his hand again.

Hakkaku: (saying out loud what he's writing) Fix... dum-buh-waiter.

Kikyo stands up, disgusted.

Kikyo: Ew ew ew ew ew! (glares at Ginta) This is all your fault!

Ginta: Ah, you're right. Couldn't have been your fault, because... you didn't do anything. _Nada!_

Kagome and Akago storm into the room.

Kagome: Akago, that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard!

Akago: Hey, _I've_ heard stupider.

Kagome: I don't care, we're never gonna find the money if you keep choosing where to look!

Akago glares up at her.

Akago: Y'know, I don't know what I ever saw in you.

Ooooohhh...

Kagome glares back.

Kagome: Don't make me come down there.

Hakkaku: (walks up to Akago) _You!_ You owe me a spider, buddy! One who can fetch!

Akago takes a step away from him.

Haku: So you guys finally realized that I was right all along. Well you're not getting any of the treasure!

Kagome: You found it?!

Haku: Well... no... but when I do, you're not getting any of it, _none of ya!_

Everyone but Hakkaku starts yelling at each other for a good, um... ten seconds, tops, until Hakkaku cuts in.

Hakkaku: DOGS HAVE CLEANER TONGUES THAN PEOPLE!

Everyone takes another step away from him. Kagome looks at Inuyasha somewhere offset.

Kagome: I find thatextremely dificult to believe.

Haraiya bursts into the room.

Haraiya: Wait a sec! I just remembered something important about Hot Peppers!

everyone else: WHAT?!

Haraiya: ...(groan) It's gone.

Kagome puts her head in her hands.

Kagome: This day just keeps getting worse.

Hakkaku: Actually, I had a great day: Found my pen, didn't slip on my lunch (remember the banana?), fixed my glue. (pulls out his bottle of glue) Spike-Stuck. New name, new formula. More sticking, less exploding. Wanna try it out?

He hands it to Kikyo.

Kikyo: Ew, get that away from me, it stinks!

She throws it at the wall behind her. Everyone looks in shocl to see that the bottle has harmlessly stuck to the wall.

Haku: It sticks!

Akago: And it's not exploding!

Hakkaku: Oh yeah!

The bottle starts smoking. Hakkaku's eyes widen.

Hakkaku: Oh no.

(scene: lobby)

Kagura and Koga walk past each other, then turn around.

Kagura: Have you seen my kids?

Koga: No. Have you seen my employees?

Kagura: No.

Koga: I don't have a good feeling about this.

Kagura: Me neither. Just stay calm, I'm sure my kids are fine and your hotel's in one piece (hey, speaking of treasure).

BOOM!

The entire hotel shakes for a moment.

Kagura: ...Or pieces.

They run like the wind toward the garbage room.

(garbage room)

Hakkaku pulls himself out of the dumpster, the bottle stuck to the side of his head. It's done exploding for now.

Hakkaku: (cough) I really need to fix that.

Haku stands up, covered in dust.

Haku: Ya think?

Haraiya looks at a huge hole in the wall from Hakkaku's glue.

Haraiya: I ain't cleanin' that up.

Koga and Kagura run into the room. Kagura heads straight for the twins, while Koga stares at the hole.

Kagura: Omigod, are you guys okay?

Akago: Yeah, we're fine.

Koga: (just making random noises of shock) . . . H-Hayyy!. . . Pan-di-doy!. . . _Piki-piki-pa!_. . .

Kikyo walks up to him.

Kikyo: Ookami. Ookami, breathe.

Koga: Ah.

Kikyo: Breathe.

Koga: Ee.

Kikyo: Breathe.

Koga: Mama.

He bites his finger nervously, but manages to calm down a bit.

Kagura: What were you guys doing?

Akago: We were just looking for treasure.

Koga: There's a hole in my wall!

Haraiya walks up to the hole and looks in.

Ginta: Mr. Ookami, we're so sorry.

Haraiya: I'm not. Look.

Koga: I've seen enough, thanks!

Kagura: Me, too. You guys endangered your lives, you damaged the hotel...

Haraiya bulls a _gold brick_ out of the hole.

Koga: And all in the greedy pursuit of--

Kagome: MONEY!

Ginta: THE TREASURE!

Everyone runs over to the hole and grabs as much money as possible... until a security guard sticks a flashlight in their faces and they back up, still holding the money.

guard: Hi there. Welcome to the Bank of Tokyo (a/n: real place?). Y'know, if you'd like to make a withdrawal, we prefer you use a teller.

Koga: W...Well, I would've, but, y'know, the lines...

Everyone --minus the Hitomis-- drops their money.

Kagura: (to the twins) Ahem!

Akago and Haku drop the money in their hands. They both then look at Kagura.

twins: Ahem!

Kagura drops her money. A second later, she pulls a bit more out of her pockets. Everyone sweatdrops.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

(scene: lobby)

The "crew" walks into the lobby.

Koga: Well I hope this has taught everyone a valuable lesson.

Ginta: (rubbing his head) Yeah. I learned not to stand between you and a gold brick.

Haraiya: (sigh) I shoulda known there was no treasure. Otherwise Peppers would've gotten me something nicer than this cheap heart-shaped locket.

Everyone's heads shoot up. Their eyes are all wide in surprise.

Kagome: The treasure lies beneath the heart.

Akago: That must've been the heart Peppers was talking about.

Haku: You hold her down, I'll grab it!

Everyone runs toward Haraiya.

Haraiya: HOLD IT!

Everyone abruptly stops. Ginta, Hakkaku, and Koga (the Three Stooges that they are) smack into each other. Haraiya takes off the necklace.

Haraiya: Take it. I could never open the damn thing anyway.

Kagura takes the locket and attempts to pry it open. When she realizes she can't, she puts it down on a table, grabs a mallet from Hakkaku's tool belt, and SMASHes the locket. Hakkaku jumps. Kagura hands back the mallet, then opens the locket and reads what is engraved inside it.

Kagura: "To Haraiya, you are my greatest treasure."

Awwwwwww.

Everyone looks at Haraiya sweetly.

Kagome: Haraiya, you were the treasure all along.

Haraiya: Yeah, yeah. That's what all the cheap guys say when they don't wanna spring for the good jewelry.

She walks away, leaving the others suddenly upset.

Ginta: Now I'll never own the hotel.

Haku: I'll never win a Nobel Prize.

Kagome: I'll never become an empress.

Akago: I'll never marry Kagome.

Kagome gives him a weird look.

Kikyo: ...On the bright side, I'm still rich! Yay me!

She claps.

Hakkaku: And my glue will never work.

He yanks it off his head. Everyone gasps and stares at the spot where the glue just was.

Akago: Hakkaku...

Hakkaku: What?

Kikyo pulls out a compact and hands it to Hakkaku. He looks at his reflection in the small mirror, and his eyes widen in amazement.

Hakkaku: (gasp) It grows hair! IT GROWS HAIR! I'M RICH! I'M FREAKIN' RICH!

He runs toward an elevator, but stops, throws his tool belt off, and hands it to Koga.

Hakkaku: I QUIT! (continues running) WOO-HOO! I'M RICH! I'M RICH!

He runs into an elevator excitedly. As the doors close...

BOOM!

That's gotta hurt... (actually thinking about it) Ew.

Everyone else stares at Hakkaku's elevator in surprise/shock/disgust.

Hakkaku's voice: Never mind.

THE END


End file.
